INKOVEMA Podcast „Well through time“
#195 – The Life Script.
A concept of transactional analysis
Helpful for the professionalisation and self-awareness of mediators and counsellors.
In conversation with Natalia Berrio Andrade
Natalia Berrio Andrade, is a teaching trainer and teaching supervisor for transactional analysis (PTSTA-C) and Aikido master (5th Dan Aikikai Tokyo) and founder of the institute. She is a lecturer at the Deggendorf University of Applied Sciences and runs the TA-Campus in Hamburg.
Well through time.
The podcast about mediation, conflict coaching and organisational consulting.
Contents
Chapter
0:05 – Welcome to the podcast Gut durch die Zeit
6:03 – Self-awareness and life script in mediation
10:15 – The importance of unconscious patterns
17:25 – Influence of childhood experiences on conflicts
21:43 – Reflection on own conflict experiences
30:56 – Personality development during counselling
35:08 – Conclusion on script work for mediators
„I don't have to put up with everything “
Summary
In this episode, we look at the Topic self-awareness which plays an essential role for counsellors, conflict managers and mediators. I talk to my colleague Natalia Berrio-Andrade about the challenges that can arise when mediators act in conversations that are familiar to them and that once involved very stressful experiences. These imprints, which transactional analysts conceptualise as possible life script content, can cloud today's counselling work. Self-awareness is therefore crucial in order to prevent one's own unconscious patterns and negative experiences from impairing professionalism in the counselling process.
We discuss the concept of the life script, a central model of transactional analysis, that can help us to recognise our unconscious decisions and behavioural patterns. We shed light on how early childhood experiences and the way we dealt with conflict back then shape our behaviour and attitude to conflict today. These unconscious patterns, if not reflected upon, can ultimately have a negative impact on the quality of our counselling.
Natalia talks about her own experiences, for example at a seminar she recently held with horses and Aikido, and how this hands-on work has helped her Understanding your own life plan has deepened. The idea that every decision we make is directly linked to our early experiences is seen as a force that can be both a hindrance and a help. The exchange promotes a better understanding of the importance of knowing one's own conflict culture and relationship patterns, especially in counselling settings.
The importance of self-reflection is emphasised in our conversation. We discuss how dealing with personal experiences of conflict is not only crucial for one's own growth, but also for the quality of the interventions that mediators carry out in their work. When mediators are aware of their own response patterns, they can more effectively support and encourage their clients in conflict situations.
Finally, we show that the Working with the life script is a valuable method for breaking through one's own unconscious patterns. By consciously reflecting on one's own past and applying it to current counselling situations, it is possible to gain a clearer picture of one's own role and ultimately improve the quality of counselling work. Natalia's expertise and the methodological approaches she describes open up new perspectives for all those involved in conflict and mediation work.
Transcription of the conversation
[0:00]So where activate I possibly the Pattern, where them even not Helpful
[0:05]
Welcome to the podcast Gut durch die Zeit
[0:03]are, neither for me still for my Client system. Cordially welcome to the Podcast Good through the Time, the Podcast round at Mediation, Conflict coaching and Organisational consulting. A Podcast from INKOVEMA. I am Sascha Weigel and welcome you to one new Consequence. And in the today Consequence goes it at Self-awareness. So Self-awareness, the for Consultant, for Conflict counsellor, for Conflict manager and Mediators especially as one significant Function have, also when we us approach, what the in the Individuals means or sensibly with itself brings. But we become so today not so direct about Conflicts speak, but about the The challenge from Mediators and Consultants, the in dialogue processes help should, the them sometimes itself known occur and perhaps even not so good Experience so that made have and now in difficult Conversations Accompanying work should.
[1:04]Without that their own Experience, problematic Experience, negative Effects on the Conversation process have should. So none Projections, none Overloads. The is difficult Matter and also in the Education a Factor, the skilfully mediates become wants. And because the not so simple is and because it also always again Fun makes, with mine today Colleague to speak, the here already in the Podcast was, have I them me again invited. Cordially welcome, Natalia Berrio-Andrade. Hello Natalia.
[1:38]Hi Sascha, many Thanks to for the Invitation. Yes, and I have me already a little heavy done with the thematic Lead to, because the but always somehow on Beginning so a pair Stumbling blocks with itself brings. And when we the today Topic take up, a Concept, a Model, the itself exactly for Self-awareness processes, for Reflection processes suitable, then have we it already also with one massive Concept to do, the Life script. Before we there but so steer in, Anteja, was it long not here in the Podcast. How goes it you? What do you like this? Thank you, me goes it good. I have actually straight last week a multi-day Script seminar with Horses and Aikido with one Colleague carried out. The was marvellous. It has really much Joy made. Also with all the, what the natural so on Processes brings along. But was exactly the Topic, the we straight have. With Horses? And also Participants still in addition, clear.
[2:42]Yes, was full fully booked. With Aikido, what Yes one yours Special topics is, that you also for yours Consultancy work prepared have. You are Aikido-Dahn carrier. Some say Champion, other say Experts. And like one the also designate may, but on each Case already quite wide advanced on one such Life path. The fourth, when I me right remember. The fifth. The fifth. Now can you perhaps say, what you mean with it, for the Listener and Listeners. With the fifth there? The fifth. I believe, there gives it not more much above. The was now so between us.
[3:23]Since gives it not more much above. And natural the Life script as Topic of the Seminars, what you there made have. So right in the middle in the Field of experience, the we today control want. Why is the important? Why should itself Consultant or Mediators, the so with Conflict counselling and Accompaniment to do have, itself so one Topic dedicate?
[3:43]So we have Yes so to speak also unconscious Sample and from the Transactional analysis say we Yes also, that much from us itself us not so aware is and before all possibly Things, the even not so pleasant are for us. And now is Conflicts Yes straight so a Topic, the is Yes mostly rather negative occupied also. I found it exciting, you had Yes recently in the Podcast one Colleague to the Topic Power and there have I somehow also about it thought. Since went it Yes also at Self-reflection and Power. And Conflict is a little perhaps similar, like the Topic Power, mostly rather negative occupied. And when the Clients ins Coaching come, then is it often the Topic, them should with Conflicts different avoid, them should Conflict competence acquire and mostly want People simple Conflicts only away, in Inverted commas. And there is it straight as Mediator, Mediator or also Counsellor Yes super important, the own Sample straight especially with regard to on Conflict to know also and itself aware to make, because I Yes otherwise possibly Potentials at all not perceive in the Counsellor role.
[4:54]Whole concrete Things perhaps hide, the Important would be, until towards to concrete Interventions, but also Hypotheses, the I derive or Frame of reference. How think I actually about Conflict? And in this respect find I the Range super important, straight when I as Subject of investigation one Conflict have, that I itself mine own, I name it individual Conflict culture, good know. The means also so whole practical, when I in the Mediation am and me as Mediator question, may I the now so say? May I now so act? Then becomes these Answer unreflectedly with mean.
[5:30]unconscious or unexplained Assumptions about Conflicts, about Parties to the conflict, about People connected be. And Self-reflection means in the Case it, itself before about it clear to become, what is mine Setting, mine Experience with conflictual Situations, with emotional burdening Situations. And the Life script topic offers in favour one Thinking and Work surface, me the to approach?
[6:03]
Self-awareness and life script in mediation
[6:00]So the own Sample simple also in the Conflict to know. So the own Feelings, the own Ways of thinking and the own Behaviours also concrete. And the Life script is Yes even a Concept or in the Reason taken one Metaphor, like all Concepts metaphorical to Understand are, from the Transactional analysis and offers also so a Centrepiece the Transactional analysis. One more Metaphor, the Centrepiece.
[6:25]As Centrepiece, exactly. Yes, exactly. Where it therefore goes, that this Life plan, the we develop, so the Life script, also Life plan called, that the unconsciously is to large Share. So he becomes even as more unconscious Life plan shown. And the offers in this respect a good Concept, because we about it Information on get can about these, like I it call, individual Conflict culture or mine own Conflict patterns. The means, the Idea is, it gives one Plan or Contents, the one as Plan Understand can, the we made have, not direct written down have, but we have them us published. And then are them unconsciously landed or is the unconsciously from Beginning on?
[7:12]How is the to understand, that there a Plan is? So can I the somewhere find? Yes, yes, clear. You search still wide enough in so one Forest. So unconsciously therefore, because we Yes already whole early the Idea is, that we the Life plan quasi to Start ours Life develop. And these whole early Experience, the we make in the first Weeks of life, months of life, also the first years of life, there are the Experience Yes rather Physical saved. The are not verbal, the are rather non-verbal, atmospheric. And these Parts, so this whole early Draft script, calls one that, applies as unconsciously, applies as complete Physical saved. Whilst then later we these Draft scripts always again change.
[8:02]Complete, but also again complete Change and at some point Yes then from one Age from three until five or like this, then these Contents are Yes quite conscious, there come we then already ran. Only one whole early Draft script not. And the is with unconsciously meant, because the Life plan, perhaps still this one Set, on it based, that we the itself develop have. Although under strong Influence the Parents, the Reference persons, the Surroundings and the becomes Yes also always further developed. But these first Idea from Dörn was Yes whole early childhood and at some point also completed. Since looks one today meanwhile a little different on it. So to speak that, what elsewhere as Embossing understood becomes. People become characterised, early, social localised, become itself certain Sample sociological considered form or Psychological certain Character types, the the Life path influence. The packs the Transactional analysis in a Concept named Life script and says then, and the is Yes whole on their Idea from Decision orientation, the has the one planned, in Times, on the he itself not reminds, but due to the Experience, the he made has.
[9:19]And the is a whole more individual Plan, the then also conductive works. And the was Yes the Idea then also then at least from Pear and Certainly today also yet, that we the in today blows of fate, Decision-making processes recognise can, that our Script activated is or realised becomes, unwound becomes. So understand I the Life script. The is so nothing Special features, but simple the Kind the exemplary Packaging very plastic made becomes.
[9:52]Exactly. And what you straight said have with the, what I say wanted and that, what you straight named was with the Decision, that we so to speak the on own Decisions based.
[10:03]This Word Decision is also so to understand, the is not like this, like we in the Adulthood now one large Decision meet,
[10:15]
The importance of unconscious patterns
[10:09]but it are Yes Customisation services. So the Child comes on the World and is complete dependent. So it gives Yes other Species, the are perhaps not so depending on scratch. We are as People, Children Yes very thereof dependent, that we supplied become, that ours Needs good supply. We are alone not viable with the Birth. I believe, we need on longest, until we Independent are. Whole exactly, we are dependent, we are not viable alone. The means, the Child developed Customisation services, and although very clever from the Child perspective, at also Needs Fulfilled to get. And these Accumulations, so Customisation services, the become as these Decisions called. The is a other Word, the we now in the Adults use, one other Meaning of the word.
[10:57]And so that the Things quasi one Sense result, the we experience, create we this Life script. The is the Idea, at one Orientation for the Lifestyle to have, at also ours Experience to connect, so past Experience and current Experience and also future, so that the for us one Sense give and so that we also one certain Predictability create, at more Security to develop. Because it is everything to this Time for us unpredictable, what happens. Later is it however even difficult, because we the quasi as unconscious Sample repeat. To the Part, it are Yes not only obstructive Things in the Life script, but also very many favourable Stuff, the we there developed have.
[11:42]But even also, at one Place to Find in the Context of the Family system to the Example or Daycare centre later School and Relationship design patterns. The is me still whole important, because there goes it Yes in Conflicts also drum. We develop the Script always in Relationship contexts. From the Wait here is it even then also one Possibility, the The future a little more predictable appear to leave. When I so there write in, me goes it with mine fellow human beings so and so and the experience I then also even, because I the like one self-fulfilling Prophecy then also planned have, then am I at least in safe Gefielden, also when it itself not good feels. The is one decisive Effect, believe me. And Decision is, believe me, again a Point, the wanted I again short again strong make, because the was for me fascinating always on the TA And at the same time then also with increasing Employment has the also one problematic Page get, these Decision orientation. And on Script is it me now clear become, also as you it named have, that everything in one Decision-making power packed becomes, of the Individuals, from the Therapy idea out. He has it in the Hand, he can itself today change your mind, he can the Script watch and paraphrase. But with the small Child, where we now say, OK, the meets Decisions.
[13:02]Since would we it, when we the Understanding so with Responsibility prove it, what the Term Decision with itself brings, then would we it whole beautiful overload, because the small Child simple not the Responsibility take over can, also when it itself later the Consequences carry must.
[13:17]Would you these Problem from Decision orientation also with so one double-edged Meaning provide or is the with you different connoted? The find I great, with you about it together to think about, because I find the Word actually also problematic. Because when I the one other Meaning of the word give, when I say, the are the Accumulations, the Customisation services, So the clever Customisation services of the Child on the Environment, on the Context, on the System. Then has it but one other Meaning as for Decisions in the Adulthood, because the Yes none aware selected Decision is. Clever Customisation services, there stuck Yes something inside, what even also on it indicates, that one about it weigh up can and one real Choice would have, clever or unwise to act.
[14:06]Yes, the right. So the wanted I namely straight say. From the Child perspective is there Yes not much Choice. So when it me in mine Family system not pleases with three, then can I not the Suitcase pack and say, you, I pull three Houses more to the Neighbours, the are always so nice to me. The is Yes completely absurd. From the Child perspective is at all none Choice in the childlike Reality, itself the select to can. Smart have I rather different meant. I have it rather meant as Resource and Commendation, because the Topic Script in the Transactional analysis and before all in the earlier Writings, also with Steiner and Byrne, has it Yes very from obstructive Factors characterised. And Vanita English has there Yes one very resource-orientated Perspective brought in.
[14:50]And have said, the are Yes also whole many favourable Things in the Script developed through the Child and the one also in the Adulthood then help. The said I with smart, but not in the Senses from Option. Yes, exactly. Since are we also between more practical Consultancy, where the one very effective and also facilitating Function has to listen, the was smart, what you made have, also when today the Decision, when you the more so continue in difficult Situations or like this, then Problems with itself brings. And the Designation stop, like can one the conceptualise. Since bring also the Terms Decision, Responsibility, clever or sensible always their Difficulties with itself. I find it interesting, because when I the now so mention in the Counselling with clever Decision, then is the mostly super helpful, because it relieving is. But with the Topic Decision, the is rather difficult, because then comes immediately the Thought, there have I Yes one own Responsibility, possibly, there am I Yes itself Guilt and at the goes it not. The becomes different experienced and I believe, the is script-dependent, like one the experienced.
[15:56]Absolutely, exactly. Because the like this, like you earlier also said have, the Script on itself is Yes like a Filter. So we watch Yes in the World through ours own Frame of reference. The is now although a other Concept as the Script, but ultimately is it the own World view or World model through these Experience, the we made have. And there can we Yes not step out. We can us Yes not outside from us itself the Things view. I can me there quite on precise Situations remember. For me was the actually one real Relief and Permission or so one Logic, the inside hung. Yes, I can the decide, I can it today different make. At least my always still also to much Therapy selected Self-image thereof goes out, that I very Decisive am, was the for me total suitable. And I found the total relieving, in difficult Situations to be heard, OK, I have the in the Hand, also when I it still not steer can, but the still me a little overstrained, but it is in principle in mine Area of sovereignty. Yes, the is the Beautiful on it, that we today even say, we can the Things change. We can us today a other Narrative tell. We must us not always these History again tell. Yes, and so that take I the Bow or the Branch, the itself earlier also already again clear made has. When the own Script or it has Contents, the Relationship patterns and Establishing a relationship and Shaping relationships includes, the can one believe I in Security so say, that these Contents with each Script contain are.
[17:25]
Influence of childhood experiences on conflicts
[17:26]Then has it Effects on today Relationship building. And the is the direct Path to the Work, to the Counselling work. As Coach like you and Trainer and Counsellor, as Mediator is one whole belonging Portion the Task, Relationship work or Shaping relationships to organise. And from this Wait becomes clearly, it does Not, itself so that to employ. What is man, what am I for a Type in certain situations? What are Pattern, in the I always again new design and me about it not in the Clear am? It gives Certainly Points, there am I me perfect in the Clear and can I then think, there am I Satisfied or not satisfied. But the Life script shall help, before all the unconscious Patterns on the Track to come.
[18:14]So first the as Thesis, would you the say? How succeeds that? How can I me the imagine? How can itself Mediators the introduce, that the Employment with the Life script one whole practical Labour is? The own Conflict issues times to look at, so itself itself in the Principle so that to employ. To the Example, like was because in mine Disease family with Conflicts dealt with? What gave it there for Phrases to the Example? Gab it there to the Example Phrases how, the Smarter goes to or, and now trusts you again, when the Children among each other somehow itself disputed have. Until one howls, was with us always. We were four Boys, until one howls. Or until one howls, exactly. And what means because so a Set actually? Man had to watch out, that one not the one is. Yes, and what means the today for you? How good can you Tears Allow to the Example? So one could simple times watch, what means the because actually? So straight when one now also one smarter Gymnasts or something like that makes, becomes one then at all serious taken? Can one itself at all with the own Position represent and the own Point of view represent? Worthwhile it itself at all, clever to become?
[19:30]Yes, whole exactly, whole exactly. Worthwhile itself that. Yes, itself with such Themes times to employ. So straight to the Example so certain Sentences, the one so in Sense come, like you now equal this in Sense comes, yours own. I have five other filtered out before. Five other have I filtered out, the are not.
[19:49]And also, like have the because the Parents with each other made? Or the Siblings, the is straight, what you say, Siblings and Constellation among each other is Yes very scripting also. Or like experience we these Shaping relationships? And none I don't know, has the Father the Conflict finished? So, now tolerate we us all again and now is quiet. Or something like that to the Example. Now Peace and quiet in the Cardboard. Now is Peace and quiet in the Cardboard. So like was the actually? That one itself the simple times more accurate looks at. And later but also, what I total Important find, it is Yes very, with Byrne still in the Origin, very on the Family gone. Sure, the Family is natural super important. It are but also the Contexts important. The Day care centre, the School, the whole Primary school, the whole Teenage years. How was because the there with Conflicts? What was rather promoted perhaps? What was Rejected and devalued? And by one itself the to the Example simple also times clear makes. Screams I with Conflicts Yay or try I everything, at the Conflict even not first arise to leave? About these Thoughts to earlier, comes one there already some Patterns on the Track? The means, I have now times so really, sometimes clichéd, but so the First best taken.
[21:04]I have now times so the first best Set, the me there immediately comes or the first Idea and the first Reminder. How was because the like this? How was the terminated or like this? So is that, because it me still present is, the important Situation and the important Contents, where I now mine Sample therein Recognise should? Or goes it at Things, the me not now simple in the Conversation immediately come to mind, but…
[21:29]The I perhaps forget have? So mean you, it gives there still more after that? I have now like this, there came then the Elders pure or there came the Reputation from the Kitchen, until one howls and then makes he again like this. So the are Yes the Things, the present are.
[21:43]
Reflection on own conflict experiences
[21:43]What is important, when you say, we Go life script orientated ran? Is the already the Point, where I say could, so that must I continue working? Both. The one is yes, what falls you so in? The other is but, what falls you not in? You is it now so present, but it gives People, the remember, the first ten Years of life almost even nothing. Ten Years of life? Yes, it gives it. Hardly what, hardly. Memories, Fragments maybe. But the Point is Yes for the first time, certain Things at all to