INKOVEMA Podcast „Episodes of Mediation“

#08 EdM – When a party to the conflict simply does not want to, but has to go to mediation

Dealing with unwillingness and inconsistencies

Episodes of mediation. The podcast on practical questions about mediation and conflict management.

Welcome to the EdM, 

INKOVEMA's teaching stream on the practical issues of mediation and conflict management. 

Practical situations in mediation, but also in coaching and conflict counselling, are explained, reflected upon and categorised.

This is episode 8 – Voluntariness in the context of organisations, very practical.

Problem description

Nobody likes going to mediation – except mediators, but hardly the parties to the conflict. For them, mediation is the greatest hope or the least of all evils – depending on their personal perspective. And in this context, we can speak of voluntariness, which should be upheld. 

Nowhere is this more evident than in family conflicts and disputes in the world of work.

The price that the parties to the conflict would have to pay if they did nothing and allowed the conflict relationship to unfold freely would simply be too high – so trying to settle things in mediation seems cheap. But God knows, the parties could usually think of better things to do than sit in mediation. But as I said, everyone realises that the relationship would get worse without this involvement.

The following is an almost bizarre case from my mediation practice in which one of the parties to the conflict rejected mediation outright and did not want to participate, but also did not want to leave and end the dialogue. Good advice was expensive here …

…

I decided to simply and to take advantage of the fact that biology was on my side: you can deliberately keep one mouth shut, but not both ears. Both of these things indicate the basic principle of successful conflict management: Listen more, speak less.

I started talking to the GF and using her willingness to listen at the window for the clarification process, while at the same time being respectful of her desire not to say a word. That's why I didn't ask if it was ok for her that I simply started talking to the GF and thus fell into the psychological trap of forcing her to answer, as she didn't want to say a word.

    • Simple, open questionsaddress any suspected fears of the management (theatre?!)
      1. How are you dealing with the conflict among your employees?
      2. What was your concern with the new appointment?
      3. When did you realise that it wasn't going to go so smoothly and how did things develop for you?

Lots of information for the employee to elicit from the manager.

    • Circular questions!!! (Risky, but dynamising)
      1. What do you think, Mr GF, your colleague would answer when asked why she refuses to talk to you?
      2. What do you think she would like from you as her employer?
    • Then at the end Questions that shape the present and future in mind. 
      1. WHAT CAN THEY DO?
      2. WHAT ARE YOU READY FOR?
      3. IF NOTHING HAPPENS, WHAT HAPPENS THEN?

What would you have done, dear listener?