#24 EdM – Simply omit this question at the beginning of a mediation.
A supplement to the contract phase
Episodes of mediation.
The podcast on practical questions about mediation and conflict management.
Welcome to the episodes of mediation,
the INKOVEMA podcast on the practical issues of mediation and conflict management.
I am Sascha Weigel and in this podcast I explain case questions from my mediation and conflict counselling practice. I present concepts and models of mediation and categorise different perspectives and decision-making options.
Chapter
0:14 – Welcome to mediation
9:20 – Side effects of the question
11:37 – Recommendation for mediation
14:40 – Conclusion and outlook
Summary
In this episode of the mediation podcast, I address the question that often arises at the beginning of mediation discussions: „Have you ever taken part in mediation? “ or „What experiences have you had with mediation? “ I share my experiences and consider the reasons why it is better to avoid this question altogether. The focus here is on the thoughtless side effects of this seemingly harmless question, which can have a negative impact on the course of the mediation.
We immerse ourselves in the typical scenarios that take place during the initiation of mediation discussions. After the usual greetings and small talk often the direct confrontation with the question of previous mediation experience. However, regardless of the answers that are given, an unfavourable dynamic arises between the parties to the conflict and the mediator. We look at what thoughts and emotional reactions the parties may have when they say „yes“ or „no“ and how this can disrupt the balance of the mediation.
I explain that mediation is not about evaluating the experiences of the conflict parties or assigning them a hierarchy. Instead, mediators should clearly explain their own working methods and how they fit into the context of the mediation discussions, without bringing their methodology into conflict with the parties' previous experiences. Asking about previous mediations is not only irrelevant, but can also create the risk of a power imbalance in which one of the parties to the conflict may be forced into an inferior position (student position, inexperience).
I show that it is more effective to communicate transparently from the outset how mediation - your own mediation - will work and what principles will be followed. In this way, the media landscape can be approached openly from the outset and a space can be created in which all participants feel equal. Uncertainty about previous experiences must be avoided; instead, mediators should act in their role as mediators with empathy and the necessary expertise to support the conflict parties in overcoming their conflict.
I recommend the mediators, focus on their own understanding of mediation and at the same time emphasise the responsibility of the parties involved. A successful mediation discussion is not based on the mediator's knowledge advantage, but on the ability to recognise and take into account the needs and perspectives of the conflict parties. At the end of this discussion, I hope that my listeners will gain inspiring ideas for their own mediation cases and thus be able to organise mediation even more effectively.
Transcription
[0:00]Music.
[0:06]Cordially welcome to the Episodes the Mediation, the Podcast from INKOVEMA
[0:14]
Welcome to mediation
[0:11]to the practical Questions the Mediation and of the conflict management. I am Sascha Weigel and explain in this Podcast Case questions from mine Mediation and conflict counselling Practice. I place Concepts and Models the Mediation before and organise different Perspectives and Decision-making options in. The is Consequence 24. These Question simple omit. A Addendum to the Contract phase. Equal to Start and without Empathy justifying Painkillers refrains the Question, the frequently to Start the Mediation initiation meetings placed becomes. Namely, whether the Parties to the conflict already once one Mediation participated have or that here their first Mediation be.
[0:55]To the one, them become it you anyway say, that them already once one Mediation participated have. To the others, the frequently thoughtless Side effects this Question disturb you with the following Mediation work. Comes them because come about? And at these Side effects shall it in this Episode go. The following Situation plays itself in Mediations or also in Role-playing games, in Mediation training always again from. The Parties to the conflict come in the Mediation, so in the Role play. Welcome, On all sides, Small talk, Journey successful, sincere Congratulations, Coffee, Biscuits, Water, everything stands for You ready. And then becomes the Mediation script the Mediators on Colour brought. Mediator, not Judge, none Decision-making authority, but Path accompaniment, Principles the Mediation, Role and Tasks in the Conversation.
[1:48]And rather earlier as later becomes with all this Things these Question placed, the apparently not missing may and but fatal Effects unfolds. Have You, prefer A, prefer B, like we here the Parties to the conflict the Simplicity half times call want, already Experience with Mediation? Is the here Your first Mediation or have You already times one participated? Admittedly all the with Empathy, Benevolence and whole allpartial turned to. And mostly also without ulterior motives or at all with it.
[2:21]These Question is me also four times in mine five Mediations, the I so far as Mediant participated have, also placed been. Even from Mediators, the knew, that I also Mediator was. With the fifth Mediation, the actually mine first Mediation was, can I me not remember, whether me the Question placed was. The was 1993, I was 16, fresh from to Home kicked out and at the Schwarzenberger Youth welfare office present become.
[2:47]What shall I say, the were other Times, but the Matter to went it also at Mediation. My questioning Reaction as Instructor and Colleague today is meanwhile always the same, the one Double impact direction has. Firstly, which Goal tracked her with this Question, whether the Parties already times one Mediation participated have or the the first is? And what is the Message resp. the Side effect this Question? I would like this both Questions now in the The following think about it. So, have You already times one Mediation participated? What is on it captious? Why worthwhile it itself not, these Question to place? Go we it scenic before, before we here the Side effects concrete view. What is, when both Parties to the conflict with Yes, have me, answer? Provides itself the Question, what means the then? I say’s times like this, pure even nothing. Yours become as Mediators nevertheless Value on it lay, yours Mode of operation to introduce, Yours Understanding the Principles explain and you secure want, that these Mode of operation here concrete wanted is and also in Order for the Parties to the conflict. Yours become yours special, whole own Kind explain, like her to mediate commemorates and possibly also Value on it lay, that them itself from other stands out.
[4:07]Answers but also only one Party to the conflict with Yes and the other with No, have I still none Mediation participated, then have her the Salad, like it so beautiful means, prepared. Yours become in the Faces yours Party to the conflict resp. Yours potential Mediators experience, what this different Horizon of experience for one Meaning have likes. Because Nobody white the concrete. What means the for mine Mediator, when I here mine first Mediation do? What, when I already several have and the other not? What, when I the already ten times made have and this Paint exactly this Mediator wanted and not all the others? Who has here one Advantage and who has here one Disadvantage? Who is here moral better or social more intolerable, because he in the Value system of the Mediators either more Points claim may, because he already times Mediation made has, or even less, because the here obviously be first Paint is. Or has the one, the still none Mediation experience has, perhaps the Advantage, that now more on him received become must, that he spared become must? Suddenly but, and the notices her then, when her the Question placed have, shifts itself the isosceles Mediation triangle, the her you as Mediator so much Effort given have, build up.
[5:28]All three Persons in the Room ask itself with one Yes and one No, what this objective Difference for the each other both Persons in the Room for one Meaning have likes. Because when it none Difference make would, would stand the Question in the Room, why her these Question at all placed have. And suddenly located her you in one itself stirred in Justification position. And, also when her favourably, empathetic, compassionate reacts, that this Circumstance Yes nothing do.
[6:00]Become her you then but communicating experience, like her yours Mediation carry out commemorates, which Understanding her from the Principles the Mediation have, etc. The Answer plays none Role for the following Text, the Mediators then on Say become. The Question can simply omitted become. And when both Pages with No answers, the is the first Mediation, the them make, become her yours Procedure also explain. Exactly like this, as when her the other Answers get would have, without you but in the Justification position brought to have. Short, and the stands already before the Question fixed, her will, no matter which Answer her from the Mediants gets.
[6:47]You, Yours Understanding, yours Experience, yours Idea from Mediation recite and in the Negotiation as Offer introduce. The logical Scenario this Question, that the Parties say, yes, we have already times one Mediation participated and her replies, ach, the is but very helpful, then can we here Yes some Aspects us save, more in-depth to explain and direct in Medias Res go, the steps not in. Because her have none Knowledge of which, like the other Mediators worked have. Yours know not, like other Mediators work and what them makes the difference, what the Special is. And the Follow-up question would be, when then Experience made were, what Yes but highest rare today still is, what because these Experience concrete were. Goods the good Experience, were the not good Experience? And suddenly is old Mediation a Topic the Conflict management. The is not the Sense of the Kick-off meeting. How also always the Answer be likes on the Question, have You already times one Mediation participated?
[7:56]Yours become nevertheless yours Kind and Wise explain want, like her Mediation understands, like her proceed become and whether the so desired is. Because Mediation is none standardised Service, but them is in person. And therefore wants them also in this respect explained become, that it yours Mediation is, because her are there as Mediators in demand.
[8:21]Already to this early Time, where still even none Mediation agreed is, shows her you already with yours Working method. Since play any Experience the Mediants in earlier Mediations none and sometimes even only one posterior Role. And when her you aware remains, like different Mediators trained become, then have her also one Hunch of which, like different in the Practice worked becomes. A Conversation about Mediation requirements or about Requirements on Mediators in the Practice between one Lawyer-mediator, the Conflicts in the course one international Merger accompanied and one transformative Mediator, the one quarrelling Adult flat share supported, and one Explanation helper, the in one Team conflict in the Hospital active becomes or one transgressive Mediator, the in one extrajudicial Offence settlement meeting works or one Teams of mediators
[9:20]
Side effects of the question
[9:17]in Energy transition conflicts and one Property judge on Local court. This Conversation would show, like wide the Practice from each other deviate must and the Question to Mediation experience hardly Realisation for the practical Mediation brings.
[9:33]Much worse are the Side effects this Question. The Parties to the conflict become direct mental and emotional in the Mediation on the School desk hurled. Yours asks Knowledge and Experience as Mediator from to Mediation in one Mediation. So in one Context, with the the Yes one social Claim on Praise justified and a No maximum regretful Understanding claim may. Were allowed itself the Mediants to Start still one Congratulations of the Mediators exposed blow, that them one Mediation wish? Is the No, we make the to the first Paint already close on one social Ostracism? I wants the not exaggerate, but for Mediators, the itself on the Mediator orientate or on the Mediator and him also please want, at if possible good through these Mediation negotiation to come, provides itself these Situation sometimes and quite just as represent. And has then still the one Party to the conflict actually Experience and can Proud thereof report, device the other so that already ins imaginary, but real tangible Falling behind. Still worse will’s, when the Mediation experience ghastly was, but the Hope stop last dies. Na, then much Fun at the Work. Well the, the this Invitation to the psychomanipulative Game resist can.
[10:58]Parties to the conflict promise itself from all sorts Things Advantages. That them already times to the Mediation what Read have, the Website the Mediator studied have, with all the interesting Stuff or also only with the interesting Value progression the Mediator. That them the Mediation as first wanted have, initiated have and already long demanded had, has likewise Claim on Priority from View the Mediators as also the benevolent, Yes naturally make we that. Sometimes have also the Mediants itself one Mediation training made and
[11:37]
Recommendation for mediation
[11:33]bring the clear and early in the Mediation talks. This intrigue brings her, love Mediators and Mediators, with the Question, whether the the first Mediation is, in the Opening round the common Conversations. My Recommendation therefore…
[11:51]Refrain from it, these Question to place. You brings nothing Good, at best one social Embarrassment, the with the following Mediation again good made become can. Instead lays simple go, like her yours Mediation carries out. Power you transparent, offers you as Negotiating partner on and what this Souvenir for the concrete Parties to the conflict because mean likes. And so that direct in the Negotiations get in. which concrete Performances the Mediation her here recommended, which her offer can and with the other both also carry out want. The is the Path, with autonomous People to act. Mediators enable not Personal responsibility or promote these, but them have the Task, with her to deal with. The Question causes rather, that a Knowledge advantage communicates becomes.
[12:47]Knowledge advantage and Experience advantage. And the has obviously Significance, otherwise would not afterwards asked become. And when we the Whole with the Communication quadrants from Schulz from Thun view, then is the Relationship message, the here communicates becomes, important. Because them includes Power. The Question established even a Teacher-student relationship and leads under the Cloak of the Integration in one Communication room with Knowledgeable and Learners. Emotional is the frequently on it measurable, that the Question from Tension emphasised becomes, at least what I in Training situations experience can, and in the The following Relaxation entry, when the Parties even say, them have still none Mediation experience. Because then can the Mediator or the Mediator first get started, what them on Experience advantage has.
[13:41]What about it but actually in this Phase goes and what the suitable Concerns the Mediation person is, is the Need, the other Page about it to inform, whereupon You itself with this Mediation person concrete get involved, what concrete the Rules of the game this Mediator or this Mediators are. The is a Topic of the negotiation mark-up, the the Mediation person offers, By them itself and their Services introduces, their Mode of operation sets out, by no means only from Transparency reasons, but even also from Advertising reasons. The am me. In favour stand me. The can her from me expect. And the would like I you also to come leave. Because I the Conviction am, that it you helps. The is one Shape counsellor Advertising or advertising Consultancy. The be each here itself at home.
[14:40]
Conclusion and outlook
[14:40]Much Joy at the Carry out. The war’s for this Times. Many Thanks to for Listen. And perhaps could you the a or other Idea for one yours Cases develop, spin on and Decisions meet. In favour wish I good Success. When you this Podcast support would like, then leave but please a Feedback on Apple Podcast or Google Business. For the Moment say goodbye I me with you with best Wishes. Until to the next Times. Comes good through the Time.
[15:07]Music.
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