{"id":9643,"date":"2021-09-27T23:23:56","date_gmt":"2021-09-27T21:23:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/inkovema.de\/?p=9643"},"modified":"2021-09-28T11:11:39","modified_gmt":"2021-09-28T09:11:39","slug":"08-edm-when-a-party-to-a-conflict-simply-does-not-want-to-but-has-to-go-to-mediation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/inkovema.de\/en\/blog\/08-edm-when-a-party-to-a-conflict-simply-does-not-want-to-but-has-to-go-to-mediation\/","title":{"rendered":"#08 EdM &#8211; When a party to a conflict simply does not want to, but has to go to mediation."},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"fusion-fullwidth fullwidth-box fusion-builder-row-1 fusion-flex-container gradient-container-1 nonhundred-percent-fullwidth non-hundred-percent-height-scrolling\" style=\"--awb-border-radius-top-left:0px;--awb-border-radius-top-right:0px;--awb-border-radius-bottom-right:0px;--awb-border-radius-bottom-left:0px;--awb-flex-wrap:wrap;\" ><div class=\"fusion-builder-row fusion-row fusion-flex-align-items-flex-start fusion-flex-content-wrap\" style=\"max-width:1144px;margin-left: calc(-4% \/ 2 );margin-right: calc(-4% \/ 2 );\"><div class=\"fusion-layout-column fusion_builder_column fusion-builder-column-0 fusion_builder_column_1_1 1_1 fusion-flex-column\" style=\"--awb-bg-size:cover;--awb-width-large:100%;--awb-margin-top-large:0px;--awb-spacing-right-large:1.92%;--awb-margin-bottom-large:20px;--awb-spacing-left-large:1.92%;--awb-width-medium:100%;--awb-spacing-right-medium:1.92%;--awb-spacing-left-medium:1.92%;--awb-width-small:100%;--awb-spacing-right-small:1.92%;--awb-spacing-left-small:1.92%;\"><div class=\"fusion-column-wrapper fusion-column-has-shadow fusion-flex-justify-content-flex-start fusion-content-layout-column\"><div class=\"fusion-title title fusion-title-1 sep-underline sep-solid fusion-title-text fusion-title-size-one\"><h1 class=\"fusion-title-heading title-heading-left fusion-responsive-typography-calculated\" style=\"margin:0;--fontSize:34;line-height:1.4;\"><h4>INKOVEMA Podcast &#8222;Episodes of Mediation&#8220;<\/h4>\n<h1>#08 EdM &#8211; When a party to the conflict simply does not want to, but has to go to mediation<\/h1>\n<h2><strong>Dealing with unwillingness and inconsistencies<\/strong><\/h2>\n<h4>Episodes of mediation. The podcast on practical questions about mediation and conflict management.<\/h4><\/h1><\/div><div class=\"fusion-separator fusion-full-width-sep\" style=\"align-self: center;margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto;margin-top:20px;margin-bottom:20px;width:100%;\"><div class=\"fusion-separator-border sep-single\" style=\"--awb-height:20px;--awb-amount:20px;--awb-sep-color:#ffffff;border-color:#ffffff;border-top-width:1px;\"><\/div><\/div><script class=\"podigee-podcast-player\" src=\"https:\/\/player.podigee-cdn.net\/podcast-player\/javascripts\/podigee-podcast-player.js\" data-configuration=\"https:\/\/inkovema-episoden-der-mediation.podigee.io\/8-08-edm-wenn-eine-konfliktpartei-einfach-nicht-will-aber-in-die-mediation-muss\/embed?context=external&token=OjH7uiyOaYfFZI8HdrTW2w\"><\/script><div class=\"fusion-separator fusion-full-width-sep\" style=\"align-self: center;margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto;margin-top:20px;margin-bottom:20px;width:100%;\"><div class=\"fusion-separator-border sep-single\" style=\"--awb-height:20px;--awb-amount:20px;--awb-sep-color:#ffffff;border-color:#ffffff;border-top-width:1px;\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fusion-text fusion-text-1\"><p class=\"p1\">Welcome to the EdM,<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">INKOVEMA's teaching stream on the practical issues of mediation and conflict management.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">Practical situations in mediation, but also in coaching and conflict counselling, are explained, reflected upon and categorised.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">This is episode 8 &#8211; Voluntariness in the context of organisations, very practical.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><b>Problem description<\/b><\/p>\n<p class=\"p2\">Nobody likes going to mediation &#8211; except mediators, but hardly the parties to the conflict. For them, mediation is the greatest hope or the least of all evils &#8211; depending on their personal perspective. And in this context, we can speak of voluntariness, which should be upheld.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p2\">Nowhere is this more evident than in family conflicts and disputes in the world of work.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p2\">The price that the parties to the conflict would have to pay if they did nothing and allowed the conflict relationship to unfold freely would simply be too high &#8211; so trying to settle things in mediation seems cheap. But God knows, the parties could usually think of better things to do than sit in mediation. But as I said, everyone realises that the relationship would get worse without this involvement.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p2\">The following is an almost bizarre case from my mediation practice in which one of the parties to the conflict rejected mediation outright and did not want to participate, but also did not want to leave and end the dialogue. Good advice was expensive here &#8230;<\/p>\n<p>&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>I decided to simply <span class=\"s1\"><b>and to take advantage of the fact that biology was on my side: you can deliberately keep one mouth shut, but not both ears. Both of these things indicate the basic principle of successful conflict management<\/b><\/span>: Listen more, speak less.<\/p>\n<p>I started talking to the GF and using her willingness to listen at the window for the clarification process, while at the same time being respectful of her desire not to say a word. That's why I didn't ask if it was ok for her that I simply started talking to the GF and thus fell into the psychological trap of forcing her to answer, as she didn't want to say a word.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"list-style-type: none;\">\n<ul class=\"ul1\">\n<li class=\"li1\"><span class=\"s1\"><b>Simple, open questions<\/b><\/span>address any suspected fears of the management (theatre?!)\n<ol class=\"ol1\">\n<li class=\"li1\">How are you dealing with the conflict among your employees?<\/li>\n<li class=\"li1\">What was your concern with the new appointment?<\/li>\n<li class=\"li1\">When did you realise that it wasn't going to go so smoothly and how did things develop for you?<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p class=\"p1\">Lots of information for the employee to elicit from the manager.<\/p>\n<ol class=\"ol1\">\n<li style=\"list-style-type: none;\">\n<ul class=\"ol1\">\n<li class=\"li1\"><span class=\"s1\"><b>Circular questions<\/b><\/span>!!! (Risky, but dynamising)\n<ol class=\"ol1\">\n<li class=\"li1\">What do you think, Mr GF, your colleague would answer when asked why she refuses to talk to you?<\/li>\n<li class=\"li1\">What do you think she would like from you as her employer?<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<ol class=\"ol1\">\n<li style=\"list-style-type: none;\">\n<ul class=\"ol1\">\n<li class=\"li1\">Then at the end <span class=\"s1\"><b>Questions that shape the present and future <\/b><\/span>in mind.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>\n<ol class=\"ol1\">\n<li class=\"li1\">WHAT CAN THEY DO?<\/li>\n<li class=\"li1\">WHAT ARE YOU READY FOR?<\/li>\n<li class=\"li1\">IF NOTHING HAPPENS, WHAT HAPPENS THEN?<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p>What would you have done, dear listener?<\/p>\n<\/div><div class=\"fusion-separator fusion-full-width-sep\" style=\"align-self: center;margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto;margin-top:20px;margin-bottom:20px;width:100%;\"><div class=\"fusion-separator-border sep-single\" style=\"--awb-height:20px;--awb-amount:20px;--awb-sep-color:#ffffff;border-color:#ffffff;border-top-width:1px;\"><\/div><\/div><div style=\"text-align:center;\"><a class=\"fusion-button button-flat fusion-button-default-size button-default fusion-button-default button-1 fusion-button-default-span fusion-button-default-type\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" href=\"https:\/\/lms.inkovema.de\/elemente-der-mediation\/mediation\/interventionen\/\"><span class=\"fusion-button-icon-divider button-icon-divider-left\"><i class=\"fa-info-circle fas awb-button__icon awb-button__icon--default\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><\/i><\/span><span class=\"fusion-button-text awb-button__text awb-button__text--default fusion-button-text-left\">Element no. 15 &#8211; Interventions<\/span><\/a><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":9644,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[183,646,517],"tags":[518,150,707,154,519],"class_list":["post-9643","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-audio","category-inkovema-podcast-episoden-der-mediation","category-interventionen","tag-fragen","tag-freiwilligkeit","tag-offene-fragen","tag-organisationsmediation","tag-zirkulaere-fragen"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v26.2 (Yoast SEO v26.5) - 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Rechtsanwalt lizenzierter Ausbilder f\u00fcr Mediation (BM) und lehrender Transaktionsanalytiker unter Supervision f\u00fcr den Bereich Organisation (PTSTA-O) sowie Senior Coach DBVC - ber\u00e4t, coacht, bloggt und podcastet hier zu Mediation und Konfliktmanagement in Zeiten der Digitalen Transformation. Seit 2026 Mitherausgeber der Fachzeitschrift KonfliktDynamik. Begr\u00fcnder der Elemente der Mediation (www.elemente-der-mediation.de) sowie Inhaber von INKOVEMA. Begeisterter Fernwanderer und Fussballfan, der aktuell den Vaterfreuden den Vorrang einr\u00e4umt - so gut er kann. Lebt in Leipzig und arbeitet bundesweit.","sameAs":["https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/inkovema","https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/in\/sascha-weigel-a7b98b25\/","https:\/\/x.com\/Sascha_Weigel"]}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/inkovema.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9643","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/inkovema.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/inkovema.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/inkovema.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/inkovema.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9643"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/inkovema.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9643\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/inkovema.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/9644"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/inkovema.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9643"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/inkovema.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9643"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/inkovema.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9643"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}